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Woody’s Words

 

Jenny Craig For Men…..
>I called the company and ordered their 5-day, 10 lb. weight loss.

>The next day, there’s a knock on the door and there stands before me a voluptuous, athletic, 19 year old babe dressed in nothing but a pair of Nike running shoes and a sign around her neck.

>She introduces herself as a representative of the weight loss company.

>The sign reads, ‘If you can catch me, you can have me.’

>Without a second thought, I took off after her. A few miles later
>huffing and puffing, I finally gave up.

>The same girl shows up for the next four days and the same
>thing happens.

>On the fifth day, I weighed myself and am delighted to find     
>I lost 10 lbs. as promised.

>I  called the company and ordered their 5-day/20 pound program.

>The next day there’s a knock at the door and there stands the most
>stunning, beautiful, sexy woman I have ever seen in my life.

>She is wearing nothing but Reebok running shoes and a sign around
>her neck that reads, ‘If you catch me you can have me’.

>Well, I’m out the door after her like a shot.

>This girl is in excellent shape and I do my best, but no such luck. So for the next four days, the same routine happens and I’m gradually getting in better and better shape.

>Much to my delight on the fifth day when I weigh myself, I
>discover that I have lost another 20 lbs. as promised.

>So I decide to go for broke and calls the company to order
>the 7-day/50 pound program.

>”Are  you sure?” asks the representative on. “This is our
>most rigorous program.”

>”Absolutely,” I reply, “I haven’t felt this good in years.”

>The next day there’s a knock at the door; and when I
>open it find a huge muscular guy standing there wearing nothing but pink running shoes 
>and a sign around his neck that reads, 

>”If I catch you,… you’re mine.”

>I lost 63 pounds that wee

 

Oh Canada, you have the right idea.

Jiggs McDonald, NHL Hall of Fame broadcaster speaking in Ontario,says:“I am truly perplexed that so many of my friends are against another
mosque being built in Toronto. I think it should be the goal of every
Canadian to be tolerant regardless of their religious beliefs.Thus the mosque should be allowed, in an effort to promote tolerance.”

“That is why I also propose that two nightclubs be opened next door to
the mosque; thereby promoting tolerance from within the mosque.
We could call one of the clubs, which would be gay, “The Turban
Cowboy,” and the other, a topless bar, would be called “You Mecca Me
Hot.”

“Next door should be a butcher shop that specializes in pork, and
adjacent to that an open-pit barbecue pork restaurant, called “Iraq of
Ribs.”

“Across the street there could be a lingerie store called “Victoria
Keeps Nothing Secret,” with sexy mannequins in the window modeling the
goods.”,  and on the other side a liquor store called “Morehammered.”

“All of this would encourage Muslims to demonstrate the tolerance they
demand of us.” Yes we should promote tolerance, and you can do your
part by passing this on.”

And if you are not laughing or smiling at this point… It is either
past your bedtime, or it’s midnight at the oasis and time to put your
camel to bed!

Just my own thoughts

I watch Brian Williams every night for news. What he did when he apparently lied about his Iraq copter ride is wrong. But ask yourself why is he taking his share of the lie and apologizing? His lie is minuscule to the lies of the past two administrations. G.W.’ Iraq war and Obama and Hilliary Clinton’s Bengazi are tremendous compared to William’s air ride in war time. Williams will probably be fired and Clinton will become president. What the hell is wrong with this picture. Even Bill Clinton’s unfettering knowledge of oral sex being sex became forgivable. Williams has much, much, much less to be held accountable for then all of Washington D.C. When Obama is thru and he has his library we look back and thank God he is gone. But if republicans hold true to form ai imagine they have already plotted a course for President Hillary Rodham Clinton. She will be either our Cleopatra or Eva Braun. If and probably when she takes oath of office God may just say, Enough already.

From a good American citizen

I thought you might find this very interesting. I was on the State of Iowa
> bid site looking for bid opportunities and came across this. It is an award
> to the Islamic Council of Iowa Inc. for consulting services to visit our
> state prisons to provide spiritual and cultural guidance regarding Islamic
> practices for the incarcerated Islamic population. They will be paid
> $5,500.00 per month for this service and must visit each facility a minimum
> of 7 times annually. This amounts to $66,000.00 per year and the contract
> can be renewed on an annual basis through 8-31-2020.
>
> I don’t know about you but that seems like a nice paying job and frankly it
> makes me mad a hell. I wonder if they provide this same service for
> incarcerated Methodists, Catholics, Jews, 7th Day Adventist and the list
> goes on!!
>
> I don’t know if the Gazette knows about this and even if they did would they
> do anything about it?
>
> GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR
>

Ah yes Facebook

I had dropped off of a part of Facebook that had become morally repugnant with liberal gibberish. Now I find it is the same throughout Facebook. The liberal tribes unattended minds seem dead set  on the fact they must be right. Once a man that was like I had been by being democrat and liberal told me what I carry as a truism. Liberals are not the stupid mass that some think of when confronted by one. They are cunning, sly, able to lie and chew gum at the same time, amazing. I have found that when in a discussion with a liberal a person must be ready to hear these words. Racist, bigot, right winger, liar, fool, homophobic, and many more. I have been called most of these words and it does hurt to some degree, but some of what they call me they have made me into. One of the worse things a liberal will ever say is , I am mistaken. They can lose their place in the welfare system if they do. Liberals do not approach this site because I get to say how I feel and that is a liberal’s nightmare. There are sites they will go to but only for reading as most won’t let them comment. My comments are open and comments are allowed.  That is the only reason I have a Facebook account, to read what the liberals and conservatives have on their minds. And that is a fact from Jack.

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